Dear her,
I see you. I see all the complexities. All the insecurities. You are the master at concealing. Hiding away & guarding your heart when things get incalculable. Fronting confidence. Fronting certainty. Replying with an "I am doing great" when asked how you are doing for fear of vulnerability.
You leave your husband to wonder about your state. You see the burden he carries, and yours would be too much to compound. You struggle. You struggle to believe that you are capable. He inquires, and you shield him. You protect him from all that is you. All the while, he sees you.
You are offered help by family & friends. You want to say yes, but you struggle with guilt. Feeling like you don't deserve the generosity.
The laundry. The dishes. The kids. The activities. Your marriage. Your family. Your relationships. Your health. So many things to tend to & nurture. You don't complain because who wouldn't want to stay at home & have these precious little children? But the truth lingers. The fact that it is hard. Really, really hard. And some days, you have to be really intentional about pulling out the positive. And that is okay. You keep running back to Jesus & let Him put His arms around you.
You have lived your life with a feeling of not being enough. And that is what drives you to project a phony sense of strength. A sense of purpose & importance. You struggle to let God carve out his masterpiece as you hold tightly onto the scraps & jagged edges that were once attached. You grapple to understand the craft.
You fight thoughts of things that have happened & been said in the past. You are hardest on yourself. And it is exhausting.
I am here to tell you there is hope & relief. God our Father wants to take the feelings of unworthiness. Of rejection. Of shame. Of loneliness. Of imperfection. Can you do one thing? Will you set aside your self preservation, your pride, your innate need to do everything yourself & crack open the doors of your heart? Will you let Him in today & allow Him to work on His masterpiece? He loves you so.
Sincerely,
Another woman who is hard to love
XX00
