The concept of teaching has long been woven into the fabric of my heart. Starting as early as 2nd grade, I can remember the excitement of getting off the bus from school only to run home, grab a snack and "hunker down" into my bedroom (or the basement living area where I had an elaborate classroom set-up) to pretend play as a teacher. At just 7 years old, I knew that teaching energized me & fulfilled a God-given part of my heart that I didn't yet understand. At Christmas one year I was gifted an "IMPORTANT" stamp & a file organizer that turned out to be my favorite gift (I know, nerding out at its finest, haha). Even my parents recognized my inherent desire to teach. I never went on to pursue education in my post high school endeavors, much to the surprise of my family & friends. Surely, it was my purpose to teach-I just had to go through an almost 2 decade-long process to realize it.
Fast forward 26 years & 3 children later. This past winter, I began to entertain the idea of pulling my kids from their school after having a hard conversation with my husband about the growing cost of a private school education. We also have a child who, simply put, needed more of my attention. Once private school was no longer on the table, we were left to look at home schooling. My husband and I agreed; public school was not an option for our family. As I was left to think about what the coming days would look like for me & the sacrifice I would be making in taking a task of this measure on, I began to feel overwhelmed. The part of me that openly proclaimed over the years that I would "NEVER homeschool" began to consume my thoughts. I mentally battled feelings of inadequacy, hesitation and dread. Deep down, I felt as if I simply was not qualified-heck, I KNEW I wasn't qualified. I began to make a mental list of reasons that we couldn't home school. And in the 6 months leading up to summer, I began to see God remove all of said reasons from my collection of excuses. It wasn't until recently that I felt like He prompted me to write them down.
The collection of my excuses:
1. I couldn't stand to be around my kids all day. Did I just say that?! Oops. ;)
2. I would be homeschooling without support. Surely, I needed a friend to do it alongside me.
3. My health was struggling. I couldn't take more stress.
4. I couldn't afford private school tuition, so why would I have reason to think I could afford home school curriculum?!
5. I needed a spiritual confirmation of sorts. I needed to know that this path that laid ahead of me was God-breathed.
6. I didn't have the materials I needed. It would take time to build enough supplies.
7. My heart wasn't in it. I didn't want to get knee deep in this and bail.
Now that you've had a chance to see the ugly of my thoughts at that time, I get to tell you about all the fun that God had in creatively answering all my "needs". In the 6 months of my doubt, God began to make space for trust, and eventually, my faith in what He was doing.
I had a friend pray for me at church in a Wednesday night revival service meeting. I truly believe God healed my body that night! I have not felt sick since that day! <Insert happy dance for Jesus!>
In addition to that, one of my children had been having behavioral issues up until this point, and had even been in counseling. Whether I wanted to admit it or not, my health challenges had greatly impacted the quality of my parenting and manifested itself in a challenging few months of intense outbursts from this child & a realization that we needed help. Long story short, we have graduated from counseling and this challenge is now in the past, Praise God! But I couldn't help but feel like all of my children had suffered at the hand of my illness and lack of being present for those years, which is another reason my heart yearned for the extra time with them to make up for the 2 years I hadn't been fully "there".
I began to pray that God would help me to WANT to be around my kids all day (as crazy as that sounds). You see, I had a learned habit of speaking of my kids and treating them like a problem to be taken care of as a means to survive. Not my finest moment as a parent, or 2 years for that matter. As I prayed, it didn't take long before I started to see more of the triumph than the struggle in my days. I began missing my kids while they were away as they finished the last year in their former school. Sure, I had some hard days (and still occasionally do-news flash, i'm normal and so are my kids!), but my vision changed. I was no longer counting down the hours until I had free time in the morning while they were at school.
I shared the news with a close friend that I was considering home schooling my kids & a short time later, The Lord spoke to their family and called them to step into the world of home schooling at the same time. The Lord had given me the support that I needed!
My neighbor came by and dropped 200+ books off at my doorstep from a retired teacher friend of hers. A good dent in the supplies I had needed!
I went to church one Sunday morning in this time period and was unexpectedly gifted a beautiful handmade crocheted blanket! In a card that was included in the gift she expressed that she knew the blanket was for me when she bought the fabric and that she had prayed for me the entire time she had been making it. I was speechless. As I sought the Lord for more clarity on why He would have her do this for me, He spoke very clearly and said, "It is confirmation that I am COVERING you as you step into home schooling."
As if I couldn't feel any more in awe of what He was doing in my life, He then sent an angel to offer to pay for the entire curriculum. This person told us to choose what we wanted and it would be COVERED. Even as I type this out, the miracle of how this all came together is still sinking in. Can we take a moment to acknowledge the goodness of God?! He knows our every need!
The last part of the miracle really happened as I started teaching the first week. I was reminded of the passion I once had (and described above) for teaching! As I immersed myself into this added role of "teacher" next to "Mom" and "Chef", I came alive! I was revived so to speak. AAAHHHHH!
So what do I wish you take away from this? Be encouraged. Be inspired. Be CHALLENGED to do scary things. A quote that I read today that I think is only appropriate to leave you with is, "There are only 3 months left in this decade. DECADE. Do the hard, scary thing and do it NOW!" -Unknown
XXOO,
Shelli
My door is always open, ready to lend a listening ear:)
