Most of the time, I don't dream. And if I do, I don't usually remember. But dreams have always been the way in which I have felt the biggest connection with God. In the seasons of life where I have felt that God wasn't present, He would show up in my dreams. And it was always significant and specific to what I needed in that moment. When I was newly married & working in Property Management, I lost a big money order when I was assembling a deposit to take to the bank. I couldn't find it anywhere. I went home in disarray. I worried what my employer might think of my integrity. I worried that I would have to replace it. To paint the full picture: IT WAS A MONEY ORDER. It wasn't a check that I could have replaced and just cancel the other. I went about my evening and struggled to fall asleep that night. I cried out to God before I went to bed & asked The Lord to show me where I put it (you can ask my husband-he remembers this!). I fell asleep eventually and God literally came to me in my dream and held my hand & walked me to a resident's file in the office that I accidentally put it in. I immediately woke and had to tell Luke. I went to that exact file the next day & there it was in all its glory. You can't make this stuff up. I was so amazed by what God did for me that I told my supervisor the whole story. What could have been a really uncomfortable situation, God turned it around. This is the way I see a lot of choices in life.
I have tread through a lot of situations in which I had a choice. I could worry. I could panic. I could rebel. I could try things in my own way. I could desert God & His plan for my life. And unfortunately, a lot of the aforementioned possibilities have been routes I have taken. I have fallen on my face a lot. The one thing I have learned over and over is that amidst my messiness, amidst my struggles & shortfalls...He is there and He always has a plan. And it doesn't always come to fruition immediately. Sometimes you look back and realize a week later. Other times, it takes years. B-U-T, you always have a choice in how to respond. Sometimes, the Godly response is painful. Other times, it requires an insane amount of trust. But if I choose to allow myself to succumb to my situation and default to the way that my flesh wants to respond, there are consequences. I have seen this in my own life time and again. For example, I can't help but to think that if I had not cried out to God to help me to remember where that money order was, the outcome of that situation could have been detrimental to my job and character.
I had a different dream recently. It was as if I was hovering over my life and watching it all play out. I was just an onlooker and observer. I woke and wondered what the reason for it was. The dream followed me into my day & had coffee with me. It danced in my peripheral as I switched the laundry. I knew God was trying to speak. The light bulb turned on as I was watching my kids play outside. He wants me to be present; He has called me to a life without compromise. The dream symbolized my not being where I needed to be in those moments. There but not there, you know? (You know how when you are trying to remember something and you keep trying to think of it & it drives you crazy until you realize & then it lets your brain off the hook so to speak? Ya, that is what happened in this moment. I just knew that it was what God was speaking.) I thought of all the times I haven't pushed through my exhaustion to get down and play with my kids. I thought of all the times I have neglected to tell a person that I love them. I thought of all the days where I question if I ever had meaningful conversation with my kids. I thought of all the times I didn't prioritize my marriage. It was obvious to me in that moment: I needed to make a choice. Was I going to allow this conviction to change me and make me better? Or I could ignore it & become bitter. Albeit the choices we make are directly connected with our perception of God as our father (but don't get me started on that one-that is another long tangent).
Through it all, I cannot help but think of how merciful God is. We are always just one decision away (especially in important, defining life moments such as these) from changing the course of our life for good or bad. He is constantly giving us chances to get our act together:) & extending grace. At the end of the day, we have a choice. Choose today to live a life full of choices made without compromise. Don't settle. It is in these moments that character is made.
XOXO,
Shelli
