I will never forget the day I found out I was pregnant with Rowan, our 3rd. Those 2 lines showed up in the most unexpected of times, forging a new life path for our family entirely. Luke & I had circled around the idea of having a 3rd for some time, and up until that point had been undecided on a tiebreaker child. We had the sweet spot-1 boy and 1 girl. In the end, God decided for us. It wasn't our plan to have him then. It wasn't necessarily our plan to have him at all. Yet, I am rendered speechless at the incredible gift that he is to us, and me personally. Let me tell you why.
Without Rowan, I likely would have never happened upon the biggest struggle in my life-my health (I know, you are probably like what?! Why would you be thankful for a health issue?? Hang in there & keep reading...). During the pregnancy with Rowan, I was high risk and had some difficulties with my platelet levels fluctuating. So much so that I was being monitored closely and giving blood weekly to be tested. I will never forget the phone call from my OBGYN that my levels were too dangerous for them to allow me to continue being pregnant & I had 2 hours to drop everything, find childcare for my 2 kids and come right in. Crushed that I wouldn't have the opportunity to have the birth I wanted, I called Luke & we headed in. It was when I got to the hospital and put on pitocin that they informed me that my levels were so low that I could not even have an epidural. Lots of tears, mustering strength I didn't know I had and several hours of labor later, we had our sweet Rowboat. I felt such a sense of relief that it was all over. What I didn't realize is that it was only the beginning of one of the most difficult years of my life.
Fast forward a month. Postpartum depression sets in. My body starts doing crazy things. (I don't want to get into the details, as I don't want to rant on and on about the negative. There is too much good that comes of this.) The point is, I hit an all time low. Physically, spiritually and emotionally. Past hurts and pain came up and I had to wade through it all to find hope with the help of counseling, a husband leaving work early numerous times, an intense diet and lifestyle change and a spiritual reboot. We had to lay down a lot of what we loved in order to find wholeness. It became clear to Luke and I then but more so now that it was a time that The Lord used to refocus our attention. Fast forward another few months, we find out my mother in law has cancer. I cannot begin to describe the heaviness that tried to settle on us during that time. We had close friends pull away. We struggled to navigate through grief. We were at a crossroads. It was in this valley that The Lord showed us our individual strengths, our strength as a team & in our marriage, and our strength in our Father God. It was one of those necessary valleys. That is how we refer to it. It showed (and continues to show us) what we were made of so to speak. I have never leaned into God so much in my life. It wasn't pretty, and I will be the first to say that the process was not one of perfection. BUT, I look back and even look at the place I am in now and think, "wow"!
The Lord often allows us to experience hardship, grief and trials to bring about good change. And I can say that without a doubt, this was one of those times. My health is not perfect. But the news that I got those 2 years ago brought about a fight within me. An indignant spirit. An "Uh-uh, not on my watch kind of stance". My kids won't be robbed of a lively mom. Of an active mom. Of a fit mom. Of a reliable mom. Not on my watch! 45 pounds and 2 years later, I can say that with tears in my eyes. I took my life back, and although things have been difficult at times, I never stop the fight. I promised myself that I would do anything in my power to improve my situation with the help of the Holy Spirit. It is because The Lord allowed Rowan to come about that I found my most victorious life. I will forever see him as that-the start of my internal & external makeover. Its not perfect. And there is still plenty to work on. But, I have never felt so free in my life.
So my friends, are you walking through something difficult? Does it feel like the pressure is at an all time high? I challenge you to focus on what He is trying to do within you during this time instead of WHY you are there in the first place. He works all things together for the good of those who love him. He is so merciful and gracious. I look back at that "hard time" and see it as such-His mercy and grace wrapped up into one. Be encouraged. Take heart in knowing He is so, so, so good to us.
Psalm 73:26
"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
Isaiah 38:16
"Lord, your discipline is good, for it leads to life and health. You restore my health and allow me to live!"
Much love & encouragement,
Shelli
XO
May you find joy in your valley.
Rowan
